Eve’s Daughter

What a week!

After weeks of just talking about it, the last straw has happened, it broke the camel’s back. The decision is concrete and cannot be undone.

Not only did I have to suffer thieves in my department (yes, I’ve lost stationery and personal files and CDs and yes, I know who’s got them coz they’re not only thieves they’re stupid enough to play my own compilation CD which I obviously will recognise immediately in the workplace and not only are they stupid, they’re also LIARS and yes, before I leave I will make sure all my bosses know she is a damn keling thief) and lazy bums and people leaving and tai-chi work to us but lately we’ve been told:

Apparently, we (in the training department) are having too good of a life. Training too little it seems.. should be doing each an average of 23 days in a month of training it seems (coming from a non-trainer).

Secondly, going home around 5pm *ooonnncceee in a while* is understandable…. BUT if we go home at 5pm everyday, then there must be something wrong somewhere… like we are not given enough to do..

Excuse me, but I feel sick listening to that kind of words when our working hours are 8.30am-5.00pm. To assume that going home on time means we are not doing an honest day’s work is really makes me angry.

Next they restructured our replacement leave. Right now evening classes mean that we work until 9.30pm, after packing up and closing the center its like 10pm. Currently for the extra 5 hours of work (5pm-10pm), we are given the liberty and privilege of coming in the next day at 11.30am. That’s 3 hours later than usual. The company already screwing us out of 2 hours each night (last month I had 7 nights of classes, so you go figure how many hours they screwed me- NO OVERTIME PAY OK???).

Not one to be so calculative we never make any issue about it. But they said we are just getting too much leave and they are going to now count only working after 8pm as qualify for replacement, in other words, that’s two hours each training night, and we are supposed to keep track and get a manager to sign off on our working hours, and only after FOUR nights of training we will get to take one day off. All work done before 8pm is not considered work. Its considered part of expected working hours.

Excuse me but you’re saying you only give us consideration after we have worked a full 12 hours for you in a day? 8.30am-8pm. 12 hour work days is what they say we are supposed to do.. anything outside of that is considered working overtime and only then will qualify for replacement leave.

NO, we are not getting overtime either. See how the company screws us real good?

Would you stay? Not me. Not if I can get a better deal elsewhere. If I know I cant, I have no choice but to dutifully suck it all up and do my work quietly. Dammit.. Too bad but I think I can do better. I can put up with a lot of things but you push too far that’s it.

People screwing you is a great opportunity for pushing you over the edge which you’d otherwise not go to. Its very dangerous to screw me. I don’t usually take screwing lightly or let it go. People who screw me will live to regret it. Then its too late.

Incidently, a friend pointed out that when I make any decision, I tend to be very decisive, no more discussion, stubborn, no changing my mind. I think its true. And not necessarily all too good..

But that’ll teach you to screw me.

I dunno what you put in that Milo last night, but I was up by half 6 this morning.

Potent!

Yesterday I had a strange dream that was so vivid.. I was by a sea or a lake, a wide body of water and I think at one point my family was there and here’s the strangest part- one of my molars broke and fell out piece by piece.. wow.. like what does broken teeth or teeth falling out mean?

So today I went online to research on dream symbols but nothing that I like.. You take a look and tell me what it might be:

Teeth

Time for updates!!

Surprise surprise!!

I’m doing really well at work, which rather took me by surprise. I just attended a meeting/launch of this 15 month program that I’d been selected for in my company and was surprised to note that nationwide they only selected 15 people. And out of these 15 people, most of them averaged 5-10 years working with the company before they got into this program. Compared to them I am a baby, only 1 year old. Among them, I was the only one the top management knew by name. Wow!

Being the straight shooter that I am, I asked candidly, what can we expect from this program? After all, they are expecting us to do stretching assignments (read: endless hours of cramming free labour, on top of our normal already very packed and crammed work routine). No straight answers given. I was not convinced. Seriously, if they dont promise a double promotion, I really dont need the extra work and stress, no?

I mean, if I dont wanna wait, I can easily get another job with a promotion right now (actually considering it), or if I really like my company, I could wait for next year to get my promotion.. I’m already doing the work and heading the team so its like a given. Why would I slog my ass off in this program if that’s all I get? When I’ll be getting it even without the program?? Makes sense to you?!

So, flattered as I am.. I am actually trying to get out of the program. I’ve tried speaking to my HOD twice already and will speak to her again tomorrow. I heard that a colleague of mine tendered her resignation and retracted after my boss offered her a chance in this program. What the?! Seriously.. hahaha.

On the creative side, I am doing really well too. I’ve got several calls from people who know people who know me asking for my portfolio to do emceeing, tv stuff and plays. I’m pretty happy about that. But I know its seasonal work and wont pay my bills. I dont know, if I could muster up enough courage, I might just leave and do some tutoring or training to pay the bills and dive straight into these things.

After all, life is short. And I am not young anymore.

But it does feel like a full circle… more than ten years ago, I left the corporate world to go into performing arts… now I am contemplating it again. Only its much harder because I need to think about my retirement funds and I am climbing the ladder, faster than I thought, without even trying. Think of the potential if I did!

My pastor once told me, no matter what I do or decide, I’d be really good at it. I didn’t quite believe him then, but now I understand what it means to believe in someone when they dont believe in themselves. I doubted myself every step of the way and now I am seeing fruition the most surprised person is.. me.

Life brings lots of twists and turns and who knows what the next corner will bring but I guess I just wanted to write it down somewhere so I will always have this moment of my life to remember.

Two years ago, I really thought I would just settle down and have a family and do loads of mission and community stuff, you know, single mothers, immigrant visa work problems and all. I saw myself opening up my home cooking and baking for strangers who’d find rest in our house. It all seems like a distance dream now. I dont have time to cook for myself much less do mission work. And the world has just filled me up with so much to do that has got nothing to do with all that. I never thought I’d be so busy working and performing again.

Maybe someday, I’ll pick that dream up again.

On the down side, I have seen the doctor for the fourth time in three weeks. Once for gastric, second for my foot which I sprained, then bacterial infection which bowled me over with high fever and a ghastly sore throat in KK (imagine lying sick and alone in the hotel room with nothing to eat). Today I finally saw the doctor again for an allergy. Non stop medication!!

My body may be telling me that I am working too hard and traveling too much. I’m listening but I hope my boss listens too..

Oh, yah, for my friends who keep asking, a full tank on my car costs RM85. I just pumped petrol. And on my way home I was admiring this 630 that was right infront of me, a black sleek beauty with a young guy driving inside.. then I suddenly realised- I’ve driven a 645. Better than his ma!! And, I dare say I looked better in that car than he does… Kekekekeke.. and once again, thank God for all the opportunities and experiences I’ve had. I’ve certainly lived a colorful life, been many places, seen many things, eaten many exotic stuff and well.. felt much all along the way. One thing’s for sure, I’ve never been bored. If I get restless you know I’ll be up to something soon.. LOLS.

My eldest uncle on my mum’s side is dying of cancer. He doesn’t know it. But I cant help but wonder how his wife copes with that reality while listening to him muster the enthusiasm to say he’s checking out in a few days time. He’s checking out all right but may not be where he thinks he’s going. Sad isn’t it?

He’s just retired from work two months back. So ironic. Can finally stop working and now..

Again, life is so short. Dont waste it. Not one moment.

Be happy.

Be true to yourself, what you think and how you feel.

Good night guys!

I am so tired. Worn out. That I could just sleep for days and days without getting up.

Just looking at my schedule makes me want to dig a hole and crawl in.

I have nothing creative to say anymore. Nothing interesting up in my head. I am just dead.

Going home next week to vegetate. Hope for no quarrels or stress.

It’s been a loooong weekend.

Had a company event to host on Saturday at One World hotel. Got to stay over because our dry run started at 1am.. I found that the rainshower is a little bit over-rated, or at least, the one at the hotel was… sides I was in a rush and could not really enjoy it.

Today I had a half day audition at Astro. There were ten of us that got through to the second audition and this round was more like a coaching session followed by a second chance with the cameras.. Competition is so tough! There were beautiful people, people with strange accents (funny how us Malaysians prefer to hear foreign accents on our TV and radios..), people who could rattle off complete sentences that made sense for a full three minutes without looking away from the camera. OMG. Seriously thought about what I was gonna do if I couldn’t hack it in broadcast. Maybe I’ll just settle for a sales job. Or marry a rich man.

Immediately after the audition, I had to scram for my Pointcast Shoot and then over to KD for the Monaco race. The race was both exhilarating and terrible.  It rained and many cars crashed out.. terrible because Raikonen did pretty poorly, even hitting the back of a Force India car which otherwise could have for once, finished at no. 4.. Terrible because Massa only managed third position.

Now I am at home waiting for my clothes to wash and hang out the laundry before I sleep. And dragging myself to work tomorrow.. as usual.

The dentist said that I grind my teeth. When I protested in alarm, she said that it looked like I had just started that two or three years ago. She asked me if I was under a lot of stress. Hhmm.. that has gotten me thinking about the changes in my life in the past three years. And now I am very conscious of clenching my teeth, even when I sleep. I’m even more conscious of what the past three years of changes have affected me physically and mentally.

Seems although I can afford to eat better and live comfier I cant seem to taste the food I eat nor sleep well at night. A few nights ago I had a nightmare.. like a wake up call about something. Sigh.. I really dunno..

Had a huge shopping spree with my girlfriend today…

The parking cost us RM11!!! In 1U!!! Which tells you how long we stayed… actually we went for a movie and went out for dinner and house hunting too.. Stupidly we didn’t think of moving the car.. first 6 hours is RM1 ma… mana tau it can get so ex after 6 hours.. LOLS!!!

Bought six blouses from Dorothy Perkins, Zara and Padini, two rings and three bras (La Senza on sale!!)… blew quite a bit of money.. considering I also went shopping at Body Shop yesterday… before the show. OMG!! No savings for me this month, and I think I blew last month’s pay too.. sob sob.. I have to stop shopping liao.. But at least I can put some of my clothes in storage.. they were getting a bit shabby and boring..

Now shopping for houses online.. Went to see Desa Park City today.. the township is so nice!! But very expensive.

Have a dentist appointment tomorrow morning. Just a regular check-up. Cant remember when I last went.. so while I am on the payroll, I’d better go..

A close friend said something that struck me a few days ago.. since coming back 2 years ago, I’ve certainly done a lot.. been through a lot..

Thank God that I have been fortunate to do all that I have done.

Man makes plans, but the Lord’s will prevails.

God knows what the next two years will bring.

Nights everyone!!! I am on leave… hahaha… 5 days away from work!

OMG.

Can this night get any better? We opened tonight at Actors Studio, and although it wasn’t jammed packed but I thank all my fans, opps.. friends!! for being there tonight! It was really fun, I loved getting my hair and make up done and going up on stage.. LOLS.

My sister brought me flowers!!! That sweetie!!!! I mean, a big bouquet!! OMG!! I loved the flowers…

Then I came back to blog about it and to post some flower shots, when I checked my mail. That was when I got stunned. I saw a name that I have not seen for many many years. My ex added me into Facebook.. My FIRST boyfriend!!! I had lost contact with him for over ten years. I am still stunned. I swear.. Facebook connects you with everyone!!! I dont know how they do it or how he found us (me and my bestie) but.. its just amazing!!!

Needless to say I am in a fantastic mood tonight.

Yay! I bought my new digital camera today. My friend was at Low Yat buying his laptop when he called me. I suddenly thought of my camera shopping and asked him to look around for some good deals since he was there.. sure enough there was a stock clearance sale (yeah, yeah I know… gimmicks!) and so.. tired of work, I left on the dot and drove over.

Bought my camera in less than 30 mins. I saw the Canon Ixus that I wanted but it wasn’t on sale and although it was cheaper than in other shops, it seemed like a waste given all the better offers.. there was this Lumix FX30 and Sony Cybershot (so beautiful!!) and a multifunctional Samsung (mp3 player, video, and camera). I heard that Sony not so good.. and Samsung.. well a good friend told me when I called him, don’t bother with the Koreans. Stick with Japanese goods. So there was only one other choice. I like the Lumix too because its wide angled and has Leica lenses.

I got the blue one coz the black one is sooo ugly and the silver.. well.. you know I don’t like silver unless its kitchen stuff. Too old fashioned and common in electrical appliances.

So yeah, I am happy with my purchase and cant wait to use it this weekend with my bestie. We’ll be babysitting the nephew who is growing cuter and cuter every moment!!

That’s a third tick on my 2008 list of things to do.. not too bad since its only April.. and a fourth will hopefully come with an casting audition in early May. Keeping my fingers crossed coz I am soooo bored with my work now.

I was told by a guy colleague that I am not marriage material. He said guys who wanna get hitched wont give me a second look while guys who wanna have fun will.. Sock him, I don’t care what he says…

Last night I walked into my bedroom to find something jumping out of my chair onto the table and out the window. It was a black cat with yellow eyes.. it looked at me and stayed at my window for the longest time. I couldn’t resist and although I should have been angry at it for trespassing, I gave it a pet. The cat kept looking at me and didnt want to go away from the window.

I always suspected something came into my room because one day, I found tiny paw marks on my wall moving up to the window. I had seen a raccoon outside my window before so I thought it was that. Actually I still think its the raccoon because the paws were narrower and longer than a cat’s.

I cant close the windows because its so darn warm. Oh well, there are worst things than unexpected furry visitors in the night.